Joe Jackson: The King of Pimp

The death of Michael Jackson, like his life, has turned into one big freak show. And if anyone could and undoubtedly would claim the part of Ringmaster to this whole debacle, it would be his father, Joe.  Since his son’s death on June 25, this greedy asshole has been on TV smiling as if he won the lottery. And his public comments have not helped his case either, promoting his business at the BET awards, pointing out that Michael’s children have great star potential just like their father, and, by the way, he and his wife should raise them.

Hold up there, Joe.

Didn’t you make enough money off of your son while he was alive? I bet underneath that shit-eating grin, you are totally pissed off that he left you out of his will. I wonder what Michael’s thoughts would be regarding you and his children? I wonder what he would say if he could see you looking at them with dollar signs in your eyes.

Honestly, calling Joe Jackson a pimp is an insult to pimps.

Everyone knows this guy beat the shit out of his own kids.  He did not think it unacceptable to motivate them into superstardom with physical violence. He was gonna get the hell out of that little house, even if he did it with the blood, sweat and tears of his own children.

Now, I don’t know anything about Katherine Jackson, except that Michael left a lot of his money to her.  He obviously loved her and trusted her.  She seems like a very sweet woman. While her husband Joe has been busy shaking hands, and acting like he is at a movie premier, she appears to be grieving.  And she has been working with Debbie Rowe, instead of fighting over custody of the children.  She obviously wants whatever is best for them.

How she can be the wife of Joe Jackson is almost as confusing as the rest of this story.

I have hesitated to even address the death of Michael Jackson, being a fan and a parent… because I loved his music, his lyrics, and his dancing abilities… but I would have never let him near my child. You just never know. It’s a conflict. Two polar opposites: super star and/or scumbag. I don’t know… where there is smoke, there is usually a fire. But sometimes, it is just smoke.

At the end of the day, it all boils down to a softspoken, man-child who was forced by his father to grow up too soon. A man whose extraordinary talent made him rich and super famous. A man whose lonely private life was mysterious and troubled, in complete juxtposition to his confident, manly stage persona. A man whose father abused him, stole his childhood, made a fortune, and then disappeared while his son slowly killed himself  — only to creep up again after his death. It’s really sad. At least now Michael is free of him.

 

My Credit Score? I Don’t Care Any More…

I was one of those people who played by the rules.  I always paid my credit cards on time, and more often than not, I paid over the minimum amount. I had a very good credit score. But none of that mattered, even to companies who had done business with me and/or my husband for years, and every credit card we had either increased our interest rate, or lowered our line of credit. One card that was paid off even closed due to lack of activity. The bill that clamped down on these interest rate hikes and other credit card company tricks came a little too late for me. I can’t wait for any of that to go into effect.

Luckily, credit card debt is one of those debts that can be negotiated… but not without hassles and damage to one’s credit score. But when a good customer is forced into making minimum payments, which do nothing to pay off their debt, and still have no cash at the end of the month, debt settlement seems the lesser of several evils… the others being total default, treading water for years, or bankruptcy. While you may still be hounded by credit card collection departments for awhile, they eventually stop after being notified that you are in a debt settlement program, and they have to deal with the company you have chosen. This is what I chose to do… and freed up some of the cash I was paying each month.

I believe in paying what I owe… with interest. But I quit caring about my credit score about the same time the credit card companies did.  The government has not bailed me out. I haven’t received a huge bonus. So I am saving my cash. The credit card companies will get what they are owed in due time. And I am learning to live without credit, for now, and a less than perfect credit score.

I look at this way,  if my excellent payment record and my business meant so little to the credit card companies, then someone had to look out for my best interest (no pun intended) … and not at 27.99%… I knew that someone had to be me.

May, Motherhood and Marriage

“The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you are given a test that teaches you a lesson.” — Tom Bodett

Well, it is May and all the kids are going to prom, getting ready for graduation and enjoying the relief that comes with knowing exams are over and so is high school. Love it or hate it, almost no one argues about leaving. Now is the time kids look forward to summer trips, internships and college.

I looked forward to this year a long time ago. While all the other kids are going down the aisle for that piece of paper, I am emotionally taken back to where I was when I wrote the following post:

http://ocdiva.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/giving-up-on-graduation

Since then, my son has had surgery and is living a healthier life, without any medications. We are all thankful for the improvement. But he is still sick. Crohn’s isn’t the only thing that makes him suffer. He also has arthritis… which is just plain unfair for a boy who loves both computers and any musical instrument he can get his sore hands on. He recently had his wisdom teeth removed, and has also developed quite a case of TMJ. 

The potential my son shows is diluted by the reality of Crohn’s disease, the limitations, and worse, the isolation. Even before Dylan dropped out of school, he was absent so often, his friends started to forget him. Friendships that meant a lot to my only son slowly died, and as they went their way, they left him behind. Gradually, he spent more and more time alone. Time that a mom cannot fill, no matter how cool or funny she is. No matter how full of love her heart is. No matter what she would give to change the hours of loneliness. No matter how much guilt she carries to work with her every day, leaving the love of her life behind, a young man now, alone with his pain for nine hours a day.

All I can do is give him every other hour I can, when he needs me. He will be 18 in June, so he doesn’t really “need” me like he did when he was little. But we spend a lot of time laughing, talking about his health, politics, music, and books. We watch the “Daily Show” together. He is just now expressing an interest in driving the car we have been saving for him. Seeing him grow into such a wonderful person helps my bittersweet pining for days when he was small.

Why, I ask God daily, can’t it be me? At least divide up the misery evenly. I am doing fairly well for 43… and would trade places with my son in a red hot second. But if God hears me, He remains silent… and no deals with the Devil so far, either. I really don’t think either one of them are even there, anyway. All this pain is random. Everyone has their own destiny and it is only how we deal with it that is important. And he deals with it with more humor, patience and grace than I could. So I still have hope (like all mothers) that as he grows into a man, something or someone beautiful will come along and he will know true happiness. He deserves it.

This weekend is Mother’s Day… and my 23rd wedding anniversary. I doubt I could have made it without such a dedicated and loving  husband, a man who has done everything he can to take care of me, and our son. And even in times when we didn’t know if we would make it to see this anniversary, he was always my friend. He  gave me my son, the greatest gift of all, and loves him as much as I do. The fact that we have survived so many things that could have killed other marriages: the five downsizings between us , the financial problems, the struggle to keep health insurance  because our child has a chronic illness  makes me feel lucky, and somewhat  accomplished at the art of hanging in there. So  I don’t need any presents or celebration. If I could have ONE thing, it would be a healthy, pain-free Dylan. Other than that, I have everything I want.

Then again, some tulips would be nice.

You Can Leave The Bully Behind And Move On

I just want to share a few things I have learned in the past six months, after taking a job that turned into a horrible, abusive experience. I don’t want anyone to go through what I did. None of us should go through life crying on the way to work.

I know a lot of people right now would take any job they could. I took mine for the same reason. But for my sanity, I had to walk away. I have been reading a lot about hostile work enviroments and bullying in the workplace. I am pretty sure that in some places it has increased, because the entire country is under economic stress, and therefore, so are workers that trapped, reminded in subtle and not so subtle ways that they are still “lucky” enough to be employed.

Even though times are hard, you can always look for another position before you go. But if it starts to affect your life and that outweighs the financial or other benefits from your job, you should consider leaving. Isn’t life too short to be so miserable? I read a 2008 study that found that 15% of successful adult suicides are related to workplace bullying. Click on this text which will bring you to the Connecticut BullyBusters web site where this topic was discussed. This statistic originated from researcher Heinz Lehmann who has a wordpress web site.

I never realized it was so bad. When I was going through it, I thought I was completely alone.

If you are in this situation, as difficult as it is, you first have to complain. Go through any chain of command that is in place. Documentation in the form of a journal or memos are nice; audio recordings, which are easily done with a handheld digital recorder, priceless.  After you complain, and if you get no response, you don’t even have to give notice if things are particularly bad. Just leave a detailed memo on why you are leaving. Be truthful and blunt and keep a copy. When you call the unemployment office, just tell the truth. They may investigate, but if you followed the rules and complained, went over your supervisor’s head, and have documentation, you have proof that you left due to a hostile work environment. Your former employer would have to prove otherwise.

I’m The New Girl Again

“That fast?” — my son, upon hearing that I found a job.

I really don’t know how it happened. I faxed a few resumes out on Monday, had an interview today and I start tomorrow. I feel so lucky, blessed, NOT WORRIED, for the first time in a long time. When I was asked why I left my last job, I was just honest. I know what they say about negative replies regarding your former supervisors, but since it WAS the reason I left, I felt stupid lying about it. Luckily, today I talked to two people who were very understanding… and I doubt I will ever have that problem again. I’ll probably will sleep better too. That dick I just left gave me nightmares.

I heard that my replacement back at the law firm is not even twenty and never worked in an office before. To top it off, she actually wrote a letter using text language, as in “u wouldn’t believe it.” All I can say is LOL. Guess they went from dumb to dumber. And I bet that foul-mouth asshole is missing me now.

Maybe there was a reason I left when I did… maybe the planets lined up in my favor. Maybe it’s my Karmic reward for taking the high road but still standing up to a bully. I never question the randomness of life. I know that you can go from the top of the world to the bottom of the barrel really fast. And vice versa.

Here’s to being on top, for once, for as long as it lasts.

Standing Up And Walking Away

Well, I did it… I got away from my boss. I couldn’t stand two more weeks so I just gave everyone a memo and left them the keys.

I tried to be better than he was. After all I could have stayed around a few days, maybe a few weeks and become his worst nightmare, a more stupid version of my already frustratingly stupid self. Or I could have opened up to him in a way he has never seen me… and perhaps made him cry and/or trashed his office in the process. But I didn’t. In this case I guess I was just plain tired of confrontation. Imagine that.

I hated quitting, really. To feel like I was pushed to it by someone else. Doesn’t seem fair, but what is? I simply had a choice, learn to live with the verbal abuse and hostility, or leave.  The worst part was feeling like somehow I had failed. By not being stronger.

I realize now that is bullshit. My boss may be a high-priced lawyer, but he is also a bully, plain and simple. He is a little man with anger management issues.

I have taken some time to think about the six months of hell I just went through, and why I had to get out. I just couldn’t see what was happening until I got away… how he was wearing me down. Making me feel like I might never work hard enough.

Sure, I worry about money now… the bastard is fighting my unemployment. I worry about getting another job… in fact, I have an interview in the morning. And interviews terrify me, although I have gotten pretty good at faking my way through them. But NOTHING terrifies me like looking back at the nervous shell of myself I was becoming — because of one man, and my own fear of walking away. But in the end, I feel it was probably the best thing I could have done for myself.

Tomorrow I start again….