How To Lose A Guy In 22 Years
Well it looks like after spending half our lives together, my husband and I can‘t do it anymore. Why doesn‘t really matter. Either way, I lost him.
I am not the most forgiving person. We have had a lot of problems and I tend to throw up the past. I can be pretty brutal when I am hurt. But I can honestly say I gave this my best effort. I gave it my all; I fought hard. Sometimes though you cannot win. The closest you can come is to keep your dignity.
We had a hard stressful two years: both of us downsized, our son diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, another downsizing in my near future, the scramble to keep health insurance, the doctor and hospital visits. We just buckled underneath the weight of it all.
I feel like it started when he had to work in Ohio. We were apart for almost a year, with a few breaks and trips home. For an adventure, my son decided he wanted a part of the experience, and he went to live there. I let him go because I wanted him to be happy.
I was on my own for the first time in my life. I guess my husband was too. Words can’t express how empty the house felt. I wasn’t happy at all.
When my son came home in April, I was ecstatic. I couldn’t wait for June, when my husband would come home too. I thought everything would be better than ever. But we had both changed in little ways. And we lost a lot of the things we had in common… the main thing I noticed was how we hardly laughed together anymore.
He left tonight.
I paced the floor for three hours. Now I am in charge? My son puts on a brave face. He’s 16 and not stupid. But I try to appear strong for him. I wish I knew who to call to cry to, but I won’t impose on my friends. We both work, and he’s a great father, but I am already worried about the bills. And Christmas. What do we do about that?
I don’t know how to be single. Or a single parent. I don’t know how to handle working and caring for my son by myself. I am scared shitless. I am angry. But most of all I am sad. Sad to know that it’s over. That the time we had together is all we are going to get. I just hope one day I can remember how great it was without wanting to cry.
Maybe he’ll find himself. Maybe he’ll come back. Maybe he’ll be happier without me….
November 28, 2007 at 11:31 am
I am so sorry.
June 9, 2008 at 2:58 pm
1st of all …get your mindframe into the Here and Now…in the here and now you can handle anything. Then take it one day at a time. Your husband owes you child support. Also …and I know this is hard …but you will think clearer if you do not harbor a resentment. Start taking care of yourself-exercise, don’t drink or smoke. If you drink go to AA meetings…they are about help, not alcohol..best networks available.
Most important…pray and ask God for help. Did you make the universe? somebody did…that somebody cares about you. No I am not a religous nut…but when I found God my life changed…I was diagnosed with lung cancer. I was so scared and shattered…I prayed…two weeks later a report came in…I had been misdiagnosed….that was years ago.
If you really want there is love out there for you….you know what you have to do. Do it.