I agree with you a about choosing our responses, as with any situation, that is all we really have control over. I have tried very hard not to repeat some of these parenting mistakes as I raise my son and it has not been difficult for me personally to be very affectionate and open with him. Probably because I still remember how hard it was.

Your response was a big help. I appreciate it!

Not to make your head explode, but I thought I might give you a little more about my family make up. It may be similar to your family; it may not be.

The real problem with my sister was she had emotions. Both my parents were nerds and they were unprepared for any emotion from their children. My parents thought of parenting as a logical, not emotional, task.

By the time my sister was a teenager they had absolutely no idea what to do with her. She would have mood swings. Mood swings were not permitted and certainly not understood. She would cry inconveniently, stomp her feet and slam her door amid cries of “you just don’t understand.”

Of course, they didn’t.

By the time she was 17, having only done the things normal teenagers do, she was kicked out of the house and moved in with the family of a friend.

What were her crimes that resulted in excommunication? She came home drunk a couple times. That was it.

Mostly because I figured out early in life that the only hope I had of love or attention from my parents was to try to imitate them, I chose to be unemotional. I got good grades. I strove for perfection in the vain hope of encouragement. I never got the overt rejection, but I never got the acceptance either.

Now we both realize our parents are the people they are and we can’t be responsible for the choices they make–either good or bad. We can only choose our responses.

That may be more than you wish to know, but if any of it helps you, great.

First, thanks for visiting the church and leaving a comment. I appreciated it even though the topic was anything but good. This war sucks.

This post stuck several of my nerves. Especially this sentence:

As if girls like me don’t really exist. Or if they do, they belong in other families.

My sis is the older of the two of us and we all knew from a very early age she wasn’t really wanted by my parents. Still isn’t. I don’t see how she ever deals with them–but she somehow remains cordial. She wasn’t ever a bad kid she was just normal.

My parents weren’t great to me, but I did feel I was wanted.

I am not sure if this helps anyone , but anyway…!

I tend to find that finding funny and happy stuff in life, (and blogging or laughing about it) helps me work through the harder times… I also found that I had to forgive people who done sh*t things around and to me as a child (not family).

I hope all is well…