Loving An Addict

You may think, Oh God, is that even possible? Believe me, it is. No one starts out as an addict.

This is what I’ve learned from watching someone I love deal with an addiction:

You know the old saying “it’s not hurting anyone” … It’s when addictions start to hurt that people take notice. Sometimes the last ones are the addicts themselves.

The addict isn’t the only one who is changed by the experience, those who love them are too.

The addiction isn’t my fault. I did not cause it. I can make it worse, but I can’t really make it better.

If your frustration comes out in hateful and/or violent ways, you have a problem yourself.

You may feel entitled to your anger, but serving it like a tennis ball and firing at random will destroy what is left of your relationship.

If an addict needs money, they will find a way to get it.

There is no set limit on love.

There is, however, a set limit on trust. And you can still love someone despite that. Go figure.

If you make an addict choose, you will not be chosen. They may say they choose you, but until they earn what trust they have lost, you’ll always be suspicious.

Suspicion is a horrible feeling, and no way to live. If you are up at 3 a.m. going through your loved one’s car or purse, I am talking to you.

An addict has to choose to get better because  they want to, for no other reason. Any other reason is a set up for relapse. No one else can make them choose to stop.

Addicts will lie even when they could tell the truth or even if they know they will get caught. If you imagine feeling the need to lie like that, you can see the power of the addiction.

It’s easy to say “never” until you live it.

Good News Is The Best Medicine

The following sentence ironic because it is both sad and hopeful: My son is sick enough for surgery! On March 20, they are going in to take out the infected and painful part of his intestines, freeing up his digestive tract to nourish him and process his food without hurting. This will be done by laser so, thankfully, there will be no incision.

If anyone reads my blog regularly, they already know my son has Crohn’s disease. Last week, he had an IV treatment of Remicade and is scheduled for another next week. None of that awful Humira, and those stupid “at home” shots.  Remicade should help reduced the inflammation in his intestines, and his joints. He has a moderate case of arthritis, which often appears in Crohn’s patients. The biggest and best news, though, is that he will have this surgery. No one knows how long his relief will last… some people have complete remission, but in others, the disease returns. But some hope is better than none. I’ll take whatever odds they’ll give him.

It is remarkable the way my son has handled his disease. Not only is he very educated on the subject, he never complains. Of all the things in life that upset him, he doesn’t even mention being sick. I’m used to it is all he says. How do you get used to being in pain? Maybe that depends on the person. To have such physical difficulties, he is pretty zen about it all. Especially for a teenager. He talks to friends on the computer, reads some pretty intellectual books, and records his own music. Even though he can only play his guitar or bass 10 minutes at a time because of joint pain, he has become an excellent musician. He approaches all his limitations with a positive spirit, something I myself might not be capable of doing. He is my hero.

On the other hand, I worry enough for us both. I worry about things that may never even happen. I question medicine and God. I wonder what else I can do. There is never a moment when I am not acutely aware that my son is either in pain, or will be in pain. That he is sick. That there is no cure. But I am comforted by the fact that there is always tomorrow, and with it, possibility of improvement.

I also have a feeling of gratitude, knowing that one in seven Americans have no health insurance. That disturbs me profoundly… if this were to happen to one of them or their children, they would be financially devastated… even if they were wealthy. It would just take a few more months. My husband and I have put having health insurance first for so long that it comes into play on every decision we make. In a country as great as ours, it shouldn’t be that way. But I’m not going to repeat myself — I have already beaten that horse in previous posts http://ocdiva.wordpress.com/2007/11/14/crossing-that-other-border/ and http://ocdiva.wordpress.com/2008/01/13/what-would-you-do-for-free-health-care/.)

Right now, all I can do is hope that whoever takes over this country can improve the health care crisis in this country and take care of my son. It has been a long struggle, and at times I stumbled blindly through the motions, wondering if anything would ever change. But now that we have a date for surgery, there is a flicker of light to guide me forward. 

Why XM Radio Pisses Me Off

For Christmas, my husband gave me a long-coveted XM Radio system for my car. We are music lovers, and commercial radio drives me nuts. I like some of the morning DJs, but not how they rotate the same 20 songs all day. Not to mention the assault of advertisements. I want to hear all the other songs and pieces of music that I read about, but will never hear on regular FM stations. And I’m willing to pay for it. But even I have my limit.

When the time came to install the XM Radio, I quickly realized this was no “out of the box, straight into the car” deal. My husband, who has installed more stereos and speakers than most, found it frustrating and cumbersome. So he took it to a car audio store and $80 later it was placed conveniently on my dash.

But I was pissed off. As much I wanted that satellite radio, I did not want a surprise. Especially an $80 hidden expense. Had it been included in the original price of the system, I doubt I would have cared. It was the fact that the XM Radio’s packaging is misleading. What if I had not had an extra $80 for installation? I doubt the store would have refunded my husband’s money after his attempts to put it in the car.

You would think I learned my lesson. But you have no idea how stupid I can be.

After the confusion and anger from the first XM Radio lifted, I was set on having the indoor Audio System, (basically a boom box for the XM radio) which would allow me to listen around the house. Or so I thought.

When my birthday came around, my husband gave me one. I was so happy! This was going to be great… I had plans to replace the brain-sucking cable TV with a house full of inspiring music.

Then I opened the box and set it up. I read the instructions. It didn’t work. Big shock. It wouldn’t pick up the satellite signal… then I re-read the instructions and realized that the external antenna needed to USE the system was not included… it was actually listed as an “optional” accessory. And it would only cost me an extra $50. That on top of the $100 they had already charged my husband. (And let me say that for $100, one would expect the AC adapter jack to stay plugged in the back!)

Now, I am not cheap. But once my intelligence as a consumer has been insulted, I will not buy what you are selling. No matter how much I might want it. Some might think that is crazy or foolish. But I am caught up in the principle. My hatred for companies who leave out pertinent information on their products is stronger than my love for music, and freedom from commercials.

Thankfully, I had not tossed the box or packing materials, so I successfully returned the damned thing. From now on, before I buy anything, I am going to research it. Hopefully someone somewhere will also post their negative experiences on the web and save us all the trouble.