Loving An Addict
You may think, Oh God, is that even possible? Believe me, it is. No one starts out as an addict.
This is what I’ve learned from watching someone I love deal with an addiction:
You know the old saying “it’s not hurting anyone” … It’s when addictions start to hurt that people take notice. Sometimes the last ones are the addicts themselves.
The addict isn’t the only one who is changed by the experience, those who love them are too.
The addiction isn’t my fault. I did not cause it. I can make it worse, but I can’t really make it better.
If your frustration comes out in hateful and/or violent ways, you have a problem yourself.
You may feel entitled to your anger, but serving it like a tennis ball and firing at random will destroy what is left of your relationship.
If an addict needs money, they will find a way to get it.
There is no set limit on love.
There is, however, a set limit on trust. And you can still love someone despite that. Go figure.
If you make an addict choose, you will not be chosen. They may say they choose you, but until they earn what trust they have lost, you’ll always be suspicious.
Suspicion is a horrible feeling, and no way to live. If you are up at 3 a.m. going through your loved one’s car or purse, I am talking to you.
An addict has to choose to get better because they want to, for no other reason. Any other reason is a set up for relapse. No one else can make them choose to stop.
Addicts will lie even when they could tell the truth or even if they know they will get caught. If you imagine feeling the need to lie like that, you can see the power of the addiction.
It’s easy to say “never” until you live it.
February 27, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Thank you for sharing and for your response to my comment. I have protected my family as much as possible by letting every one think that we were normal and everything is going so well. I feel like I am walking a fine line between what is real and what I so badly want it to be. Today, I survived and I am tired as hell. Hopefully, the elusive sleep that my body is craving will come easy tonight.
I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this site. I am reading stories that only I thought I understood. I did not think anyone else out there would endure so much for love.
My head knows that regardless of what happens from this point forward I am in a better place by myself. At least I have some chance at what I crave so bad from my life—being normal.
Normal is not dreading another day in your life
Normal is waking up to a solid foundation.
Normal is a life filled with things that you like to do.
Normal is being with a person who completes you, brings out the best in you and makes you better than you could be alone.
I am holding on to these words for myself because I cannot fathom things being this way for me. Addiction is an AWFUL world to live in.
February 27, 2008 at 11:27 pm
I remember those feelings. A good friend and a roommate were going through addictions to pain killers and alcohol at the same time. I knew things weren’t right but I had no idea how out of control the situation was until it was too late. Illegal drugs came into my home, my prescriptions following my major surgery disappeared, bills didn’t get paid, weird behavior, lots of missing items. I was a mess for several months. I finally cut off the friendship with one person… she wanted me to break into her ex-boyfriend’s office. That was the final straw. The roommate and I parted ways. She got arrested for tampering with a prescription and wound up in rehab. Addiction IS an awful was to live.