No Honor In Killing

Once, I heard a man that I deeply respect, who had already experienced the death of a son state matter-of-factly that he would rather one of his children “die than marry a nigger.” Likewise, had I dated a boy of any other race during my younger years, my father would have gotten his gun out.

It is that kind of thinking that has resulted in the death of the beautiful 25 year-old Sandeela Kanwal, who lived in Georgia, within the borders of what is supposed to be a free country. However, abiding by her father’s wishes, she went to Pakistan and was married to a man she didn’t know, much less love. This tradition and cultural differences created a tense situation when Sandeela’s father demanded this of her. And when Sandeela decided she wanted out, and dared to speak of divorce, her father strangled her to death. Chaudhry Rashid, 56, feared that his daughter’s resistance to the marriage would disgrace the Pakistani-American family.

So much for parental love.

“Honor killing” is the term used for the slaying of a woman or girl by  her own family members thought to be bringing shame to the family. These killings are usually done secretly, or they are covered up, making it difficult to determine how frequently they actually occur. Way back in September 2000, the United Nations Population Fund estimated that as many as 5,000 women and girls fall victim to murder by family members each year. Some are killed because of suspisicion, some are killed because they are victims of rape or other abuses, and some are killed because they dared to make an individual choice.

It is tragic and almost surprising to most of us here in America that the need for control over one’s children would dictate such horrible acts. Then again, look at the racism and bigotry here in our own country. Tradition and hatred combined seem to justify a lot of unspeakable things.

In this case, it is the father who has disgraced his country, his family, his name and ultimately, his daughter. I hope every time he closes his eyes at night, he sees her face. She will never age, have children or pursue her dreams. According to the Pakistani way of thinking, she had no right to those things. She was not in control of her own life. In the end, it was her own father that took it from her. Rest in peace, Sandeela. 

The Recession Daiquiri

I don’t drink much, and I don’t go to bars often. But when I do, I am tired of paying as much for a drink as a gallon of gas (or more) just to get my drink on and take the edge off.

We are in a recession, people. So in the spirit of American brother- and sisterhood I want to share a real money saver. This is not for people going to bars for the “scene” — this is for those of us who want to drink at home/a friend’s/a lover’s/in the shubbery in front of our ex’s house – and not leave until morning.

First, aquire a slushy in the flavor of your choice. I prefer Large Strawberry from Sonic …. hmmmm. Then add 3 to 5 shots of your favorite vodka. You won’t taste it (but don’t slip it to anyone, that would be WRONG!) and it will kick your ass. You’ll run into things, think you are hilarious, and sleep like a drunk baby.

Cheers!

Is Marriage Sacred? Depends On The Couple…

Today’s refusal by The California Supreme Court to stay its decision legalizing same-sex marriage in the state is a small victory in the fight for gay rights, but also human rights. The same way women winning the right to vote demonstrated a small step in the evolution of human thinking. It’s a shame it takes us so damn long. 
 
So now the way is clear for gays and lesbians in California to get married starting June 17. While it gives many couples reason to celebrate, a lot of other people don’t like it  I guess because of cultural and social tradition, if discussing gay rights, the word “marriage” is used, everyone gets all uptight. God forbid anyone in this country promote love, family, unity and fidelity. It is so much more American (and apparently Christian) to divide people into little groups, judge them and deny them rights based on a majority opinion.
 
Well, I hate to tell you, but good old-fashioned marriage isn’t a majority anymore. From our friends at the CDC:

More people are part of second marriages today than first marriages. 

One-quarter of all Americans have experienced at least one divorce.   

In 1970, 68 percent of adults lived as married couples, but this percentage steadily declined to 56 percent. Additionally, every year since the late 1970s more than 1 million divorces have occurred, and cohabitation accounted for more than four million couples in 1997 (Washington Times, 6/6/99). Think about that for a minute.  

 

 

Now shut up about how “sacred” and “special” marriage is, already. Like I said in a former post: “Forget feeding the hungry or curing the sick… gay people want to get married and we must stop them!” As if marriage is so great we have to keep it exclusive. Like the front of the bus. –http://ocdiva.wordpress.com/2008/01/01/just-southern-not-dumb-or-bigoted/ 

And it’s only my opinion, but using the Bible to back up a reason to ban gay marriage is like using it to ban shellfish and makeup (both of which are supposed abominations to God as well!) So I don’t engage in any argument that includes a chapter and verse.
 
I have been married 22 years now. To a man. (It’s true!) But really, in the Big Picture, does that fact make a huge difference in our lives? Outside of sex, which is what everyone is really all in a fuss about, the answer is a big fat NO. I believe that two women or two men could live almost the same life we do. No, they can’t reproduce biological children… but how many children are already here in this world, without parents or anyone to really love them? For that reason alone, even I don’t feel the need to “make” another child. Were I to decide to become a parent again, I would adopt. Other than that one issue, I cannot see how our lives could not be similar.
 
We all laugh, sleep, eat, go to the store, brush our teeth, love our pets, and bleed red when we cut ourselves preparing dinner. We buy cars, pay taxes, take trips and watch movies. Does it really matter what turns any of us on? I bet Larry Craig wishes it didn’t.
 
Funny that some of the most bizarre sexual scandals in the past year came from the Republican side of our government. There are some bonified freaks in Congress. And the ones who just seem to get caught all belong to the party of Vice President Dick Cheney. His daughter Mary is homosexual, which is no secret. Just don’t ask him about it. I noticed that her precious little girl is featured in a TV ad with him and his wife Lynne Cheney – but without her mom, Mary. As if he cannot even acknowledge her by including her in his idea of what a “normal” family looks like. It might be too American, and not  Republican enough for someone like Dick to come out and support his daughter’s right to marry her partner. For some reason I don’t understand, she supports his right to deny her that. 
 
Maybe it is all in the language. When anyone talks about civil unions, no one even looks up anymore. But say the word “marriage” and all the Fundamentalist grab their Bibles and hit their knees in prayer. They do have a crazy attachment to the idea of the missionary position. Marriage + missionary position = children to work the farm. It’s a cultural thing. I can just hear it… It’s what Daddy did and his daddy before him… and even though he hated Grandma, they suffered 58 years of wedded bliss before he shot her. 
 
People hate change. People hate anyone different from them. Some people don’t understand why anyone would say “fabulous,” or have more than one piercing. And since they don’t get it, well, it just shouldn’t happen. No wonder the world is going to hell in a hand basket, what with these nutty kids and their funny-colored hair. No morals. A bunch of slackers covered with tattoos. All sleeping around.
 
It scares people when rocks are turned over and certain subjects see the light of day. Suddenly, uncomfortable things are up for discussion. The decent, human, enlightened thing to do would be to discuss them… to consider them… to ask oneself if it really matters, or if tradition has clouded the issue. Unfortunately, some people will die with their hands over their ears. Others, though, will learn that the only way to live is to let others do the same.