The Recession Daiquiri

I don’t drink much, and I don’t go to bars often. But when I do, I am tired of paying as much for a drink as a gallon of gas (or more) just to get my drink on and take the edge off.

We are in a recession, people. So in the spirit of American brother- and sisterhood I want to share a real money saver. This is not for people going to bars for the “scene” — this is for those of us who want to drink at home/a friend’s/a lover’s/in the shubbery in front of our ex’s house – and not leave until morning.

First, aquire a slushy in the flavor of your choice. I prefer Large Strawberry from Sonic …. hmmmm. Then add 3 to 5 shots of your favorite vodka. You won’t taste it (but don’t slip it to anyone, that would be WRONG!) and it will kick your ass. You’ll run into things, think you are hilarious, and sleep like a drunk baby.

Cheers!

Sex With Myself

Sex is great, I think we can all agree on that. Most of the time, anyway. There is the excitement and headrush of being with someone new or the content, loving arms of someone familiar.

It’s sex by yourself that gets weird. We all do it… and differently I would suppose. I’ve never known a blind man to blame masturbation for his condition, or proof of any of those other myths about touching yourself. Apparently some people have issues with it. What’s the big deal? It’s your body.

I know for me it is almost an afterthought at times, something to do because I’m bored and need a thrill. But even if I lit candles and dressed up, it would be predictable and thus, disappointing, because I know exactly what I’m going to do. I don’t get lonely, as my fantasies usually involve at least one other person. But I can totally read my own mind. There’s no mystery… and not even the best R&B can solve that.

Sex alone becomes routine, but we all still go back. The way a hungry person finds the refrigerator. It’s just so efficient. No need to bother your partner, if you have one. But there’s no cuddling or whispers afterward. There’s no phone call or flowers the next morning, no matter how great it was. I know I am not the only one who looks in the mirror and feels a little used. I might as well keep a $50 on the dresser just to emphasize the cold and business-like way I treat myself. I have to come to terms with the fact that sex with myself is basically a booty call.

Forecast: HOT!! Bobby Van D Got A Haircut!

There is an eye-candy warning in our area… CNN’s Morning Express with the diva of cheer, Robin Meade, caught my attention today. And it wasn’t because I was checking out her pendant… which was beautiful, by the way.

No, this morning, Ms. Meade’s pendant had to take a backseat to Bob Van Dillon’s haircut. I was walking by the TV, caught a glimpse of gorgeous Bob in that short, spiky military cut and literally stopped whatever I was doing. He might have been talking about the weather. I don’t know.

Against that blue shirt, his red tie was busy …  we all know how blue and red look together on TV! It was like Japanese animation… (I could have had a seizure.) Then again, the fact that he was sans coat, which I prefer, made up for it.

The hot weatherman (and the occasionally hot anchorman) trend is distracting in a way that makes me understand how my husband can listen to Robin for an entire 30 minutes and not comprehend ONE news story. CNN knows this, and ensures our viewership as we all swear to ourselves we will PAY ATTENTION the next time that certain story (or forecast) comes around.

The Weather Channel depends on Jim Cantore to bring in all their female viewers… (if there is another hot weatherman on there, I missed him. Someone clue me in!) According to the internet searches I track with this blog, every day at least two people do a search for a shirtless Jim Cantore. It might be wise for The Weather Channel to just oil him up, clip that mic to his nipple and watch the ratings soar.

I mean, even though he is fully dressed, I have seen Bob’s forecast three times so far this morning, but I still don’t know if it’s gonna rain. All I know is if it does, his hair will still look damn good.