Is Marriage Sacred? Depends On The Couple…

Today’s refusal by The California Supreme Court to stay its decision legalizing same-sex marriage in the state is a small victory in the fight for gay rights, but also human rights. The same way women winning the right to vote demonstrated a small step in the evolution of human thinking. It’s a shame it takes us so damn long. 
 
So now the way is clear for gays and lesbians in California to get married starting June 17. While it gives many couples reason to celebrate, a lot of other people don’t like it  I guess because of cultural and social tradition, if discussing gay rights, the word “marriage” is used, everyone gets all uptight. God forbid anyone in this country promote love, family, unity and fidelity. It is so much more American (and apparently Christian) to divide people into little groups, judge them and deny them rights based on a majority opinion.
 
Well, I hate to tell you, but good old-fashioned marriage isn’t a majority anymore. From our friends at the CDC:

More people are part of second marriages today than first marriages. 

One-quarter of all Americans have experienced at least one divorce.   

In 1970, 68 percent of adults lived as married couples, but this percentage steadily declined to 56 percent. Additionally, every year since the late 1970s more than 1 million divorces have occurred, and cohabitation accounted for more than four million couples in 1997 (Washington Times, 6/6/99). Think about that for a minute.  

 

 

Now shut up about how “sacred” and “special” marriage is, already. Like I said in a former post: “Forget feeding the hungry or curing the sick… gay people want to get married and we must stop them!” As if marriage is so great we have to keep it exclusive. Like the front of the bus. –http://ocdiva.wordpress.com/2008/01/01/just-southern-not-dumb-or-bigoted/ 

And it’s only my opinion, but using the Bible to back up a reason to ban gay marriage is like using it to ban shellfish and makeup (both of which are supposed abominations to God as well!) So I don’t engage in any argument that includes a chapter and verse.
 
I have been married 22 years now. To a man. (It’s true!) But really, in the Big Picture, does that fact make a huge difference in our lives? Outside of sex, which is what everyone is really all in a fuss about, the answer is a big fat NO. I believe that two women or two men could live almost the same life we do. No, they can’t reproduce biological children… but how many children are already here in this world, without parents or anyone to really love them? For that reason alone, even I don’t feel the need to “make” another child. Were I to decide to become a parent again, I would adopt. Other than that one issue, I cannot see how our lives could not be similar.
 
We all laugh, sleep, eat, go to the store, brush our teeth, love our pets, and bleed red when we cut ourselves preparing dinner. We buy cars, pay taxes, take trips and watch movies. Does it really matter what turns any of us on? I bet Larry Craig wishes it didn’t.
 
Funny that some of the most bizarre sexual scandals in the past year came from the Republican side of our government. There are some bonified freaks in Congress. And the ones who just seem to get caught all belong to the party of Vice President Dick Cheney. His daughter Mary is homosexual, which is no secret. Just don’t ask him about it. I noticed that her precious little girl is featured in a TV ad with him and his wife Lynne Cheney – but without her mom, Mary. As if he cannot even acknowledge her by including her in his idea of what a “normal” family looks like. It might be too American, and not  Republican enough for someone like Dick to come out and support his daughter’s right to marry her partner. For some reason I don’t understand, she supports his right to deny her that. 
 
Maybe it is all in the language. When anyone talks about civil unions, no one even looks up anymore. But say the word “marriage” and all the Fundamentalist grab their Bibles and hit their knees in prayer. They do have a crazy attachment to the idea of the missionary position. Marriage + missionary position = children to work the farm. It’s a cultural thing. I can just hear it… It’s what Daddy did and his daddy before him… and even though he hated Grandma, they suffered 58 years of wedded bliss before he shot her. 
 
People hate change. People hate anyone different from them. Some people don’t understand why anyone would say “fabulous,” or have more than one piercing. And since they don’t get it, well, it just shouldn’t happen. No wonder the world is going to hell in a hand basket, what with these nutty kids and their funny-colored hair. No morals. A bunch of slackers covered with tattoos. All sleeping around.
 
It scares people when rocks are turned over and certain subjects see the light of day. Suddenly, uncomfortable things are up for discussion. The decent, human, enlightened thing to do would be to discuss them… to consider them… to ask oneself if it really matters, or if tradition has clouded the issue. Unfortunately, some people will die with their hands over their ears. Others, though, will learn that the only way to live is to let others do the same.

Late Justice For Megan Better Than None

Maybe Megan Meier’s parents will sleep a little better tonight. Maybe, finally, there will be a moment of peace amidst the storm that began with their 13 year-old daughter’s suicide. Death, and I would think the suicide of a child, would naturally alter the lives of the parents. But this case seems more tragic because it was so senseless.

This girl took her life due to the inconceivable acts of an adult, an adult who should have known better… an adult claiming to be looking for gossip, hiding in the vast shadow of the Internet. An adult posing as a an attractive 16 year-old boy named Josh. This boy, who didn’t exist, chatted with Megan nevertheless. He was sweet at first. She developed a crush on this boy. And when “Josh” turned ugly, it was more than the already troubled teenager could bear. It pushed her to kill herself.

Almost everyone with a television has heard about this case by now. Megan’s parents, after a year of keeping silent, waiting and letting investigators do their job, saw that clearly nothing would be done. I remember their media campaign to warn other MySpace users and clueless parents, if nothing else, to be careful.

Now that charges have been brought against Lori Drew, she will finally have to answer for her cruelty. She has already been all but ostracized in her community. And now she has been charged with one count of conspiracy, and a curious three counts of accessing protected computers without authorization to obtain information to inflict emotional distress on the victim. If that means what I think it does, she went to a lot of trouble to play around with this young girl’s mind. There may be a lot more to the story than we know.

Time and a prosecution will bring out all the details, and I hope Lori Drew pays for her premeditated, irresponsible and deadly actions. Most of all though, like Megan’s parents, I hope it serves as a warning and a deterrent. Internet harassment is rampant, especially among teens, who use it as just another form of bullying. Maybe this will begin a dialogue on how this kind of harassment can be stopped.

There should never be another young girl who hangs herself in her closet. Especially because someone told her the world would be better off without her. While the world is not better without Megan Meier, in some way, maybe she can save someone else.

Rest in peace, Megan.

 

Disability, Unemployment And A Big Fat Loophole

The man at Social Security told me he was sorry and to call  him if anything changes. “It’s the unemployment that kills it,” he said, talking about my son’s chances of getting disability benefits. Apparently, if I were bringing home that whopping $194 a week from working, it would be a different story. Why, I’m not really sure. Maybe to keep me from riding too far on Uncle Sam’s Free Ride Express.

In the language of Social Security, unemployment benefits are “unearned income.” Despite the fact that we all pay into that system for the occasional rainy day that is joblessness. No one gets unemployment if they quit their job. The job has to quit them, so to speak. My job certainly quit me, and unless I find another one, I will be getting all that free “unearned income” until July.

And this, my friends, is why my son is ineligible for SSI Disability benefits. Not because they question the severity of his Crohn’s disease, or his medical records. But because his mom lost her job.

Suddenly, I am thinking about Canada and their health care system. Because I know as soon as my son hears that, at best, he will one day be eligible for Medicaid, he will be too.