Why I Hate Crohn’s Disease

“I can’t. My stomach hurts.” — countless Crohn’s patients

If your son doesn’t want to go to school or eat in the morning, and consistently says it is due to stomach pain, don’t make the mistake I did, assume the kid hates school and shrug it off. He may indeed hate school, but there could be something else going on there. Most of us never think to talk to our sons about digestion, bowel movements, watching for blood or things of that nature. Why would we? Well, really, why wouldn’t we? Except we just don’t think about young men having these problems.

My son started feeling pain at age 11. I would give anything to go back in time and erase the FOUR years he suffered and bled into the toilet before we caught it and he was diagnosed.

I know what you’re thinking, four years? How could she not notice? I didn’t see any traces of blood, and so I didn’t know what questions to ask. Most of his symptoms are internal, painful, and suffered behind the bathroom door.

This is Crohn’s disease. And it hits hard between the ages 11 to 16, mostly boys. He was so young, he told me later, he just thought it was normal. If we had only talked about it… just once! God only knows the pain we may could have avoided. Maybe it wouldn’t have gotten so bad that he became dehydrated and anemic from the disease.

It comes on gradually, bringing blood and pain. Remove it and it can come back somewhere else. Some pills help, some pills make it worse. Temporary relief is the best you can hope for. It will never go away. I hate it with the same passion that I love my son, and for the rest of my life, I will probably be working so he can have medical care. Although he has had surgery, and is taking Remicade treatments, he still doesn’t weigh 100 pounds. His body doesn’t absorb any of the nutrients he puts into it.

Social Security doesn’t want to declare him disabled for SSI. I worry for his future… how his sick body will limit his brilliant mind from doing all the things he is capable of, how it will steal time by slowly suffering while the world goes on outside, how our country is not capable or willing to help someone with his disease.

But mainly I just want his pain to stop. If there were deals with the devil, my soul would be gone, just to see him healed. If prayers were answered, well, they apparently aren’t. I look at other teenagers, in their first cars, having a good time, eating ice cream at Sonic, and I hate Crohn’s disease. All the things my son is missing cannot be replaced… I can only be his worried and dedicated advocate, his nurse, his mother, but I cannot be his cure. And that kills me.

Palin Victim of Double Standard

Like every woman entering a new workplace, Sarah Palin is under the microscope. Talking heads and journalists have all temporarily lost sight of the issues in this presidential campaign in favor of scrutinizing the Republican VP nominee’s “hotness” — from her haircut (should she cut it or not?), to her glasses (who made them? or maybe she should put in contacts…) down to her shoes (someone said she needs new ones.)

America sure has its priorities straight.

Suddenly, everyone cares more about what Ms. Palin wears than what she believes. No doubt some voters hate her because she is a beautiful, accomplished, proud mother who has actually made some progress in her life. And this may be a turning point for women everywhere if she wins. But hating her because she is pretty and has more style than most female politicians is as stupid as loving her for it. The fact that she is hot MILF shouldn’t be an issue.

Normally, I would say her daughter’s pregnancy shouldn’t be an issue either, but it is, because if elected, Ms. Palin would vote to take away other families’ right to handle the same situation the way they see fit. But some people are too star-struck and shallow to realize this.

While the public and press are always going to analyze and carefully watch candidates for any public office, the VP spot is especially important. But, as a nation, we are easily distracted. We are so busy asking ourselves if she’s too sexy for politics, we are missing the opportunity to pick her brain. Not surprising for a country who would impeach a man for having oral sex, but barely protested an illegal war based on a lie.

We are a superficial bunch…. when it comes to women. No one ever comments if Bush’s nose hair is out of control or if Cheney wore the same tie three times in a year. No one talks about how Democratic VP nominee Joe Biden cuts his hair, or which color looks better on McCain.

I don’t recall this kind of judgemental attitude being directed at Laura Bush, who was a hottie herself at one time. Of course, she wasn’t running for office. But thanks to Jackie Kennedy, the First Lady does get some attention. Maybe public opinion of Mrs. Bush was undermined by the fact that she would marry an illiterate Yosemite Sam, when you know she could have done better.

Still, because Ms. Palin is running for a position that puts her second in command of our country, I fear that no one will ask her the important questions that let us know WHO she is, and get past what she looks like. I am afraid no one will ask her about health care or the economy or the war, but instead who made her dress. That would be okay if she were up for an Academy Award…. if she were a celebrity instead of a politician… unless we as a country slowly allow them to become the same thing.

No Goodbye, No Great Loss

You can’t win them all. Life isn’t fair. People are strange.

Yeah, I know all that. Recently though, I had a relationship end badly… in that weird, no explanation, never see that person again kind of way that literally drives me nuts. I like closure and resolution. I don’t like goodbyes, but having someone just leave without one is even harder for me somehow. Maybe because I can’t say nice things like “take care of yourself… I’ll never forget you… you are always welcome in my home… be careful” or other things that might make the separation feel better, like “karma is a bitch… you’ll get yours… you can kiss my ass” or the profound and meaningful “I hope you have the life you deserve.”

I’m so tired from trying to figure out other people that I have decided I am not going to try anymore. I have had two friends I thought I had lost forever come back into my life, just as mysteriously as the one that drove away and never called again. Having my two old friendships restored, each in their own way, is so much more important to me than the loss of one inconsiderate person. And in retrospect, he was never my friend, but an opportunist at best. Our relationship was based on mutual interests, nothing else. I am the one who mistakenly brought emotions into the equation. (As I’ve said before, I am such a girl…. ) Of course, it all ended with a lot of hurt feelings. All mine.

So from now on, I refuse to get hurt by what other people do or don’t do. I can just walk away, telling myself they are friendless for a reason, that I was talking to a potential serial killer and thank God I came out alive. I can tell myself whatever I want, give myself closure, and move on with my life. I know that in my 42 years I have wasted many tears over people who probably don’t care whether I live or die. This is why I come off as a sarcastic bitch sometimes… especially if you have just met me. I am just protecting myself, like a porcupine, by making you sorry if you try and get close.

Obviously though, my guard goes down at some point, and exposes my weakness. This is why I feel a lot safer just keeping the friends I have… everyone else is just an acquaintance. That way, when I look up and they are gone, I’ll barely care at all.